"The fire of visibility and knowledge takes you to the sabers of paradise and they will ask you: Will you love, or won´t you?"
Love, love, love will we ever have enough of that stuff?
I mean in the beginning of some awareness it may look sad, when finding out that we
are living within boundaries.
I know this is nothing that we really like to hear.
For what is freedom then?
I guess, seen on that foil, in the first place a misunderstanding.
Freedom can never balance responsibility and is in itself primarily possible by depending on autonomy and justice.Freedom is therefore never achieved within a system, which excludes itself by trying
to narrow it down with strict rules. Like “Arbeit macht frei.”
A slogan, which could has also emerged from a fundamentalist, a communist or a
capitalist brain. I mean who counts all the victims in the end - all the dead
bodies, the murdered and the killed?

Nazism showed us, that something has to be acknowledged as simply true:
Freedom wants us to live life at utmost possibilities and chances for oneself and for everybody else.
Thank God, there exists no common instruction to be followed, we can only help each
other where ever possible to not fall from the disc´s brink.

This sounds too good to be true, but is in fact in itself very rigid, as well it also means the raw basis and the absolute abstraction of itself, when looking at the basic achievement of human rights and their constant necessity in our world of today.
We are forced and challenged and blessed to go to the total edge of what we want to establish in this sense.
So, have we learned something out of history?
Men can be atrocious. They can be unjust and decide for their own worst. Men mostly try to improvise or to finally get it all right, but with these blind efforts they bungle it even more.
We haven´t learned yet to really understand what goes on around us. We do not want to look at it. On the other side we then go for a sudden revealing of something that is just not explicable in terms of arbitrariness and fast solutions. But all these things, attributes and possibilities of decision are permanently and coevally in us, even the fascination of our own doom and the longing for the total destruction of others.

That´s, what I exactly wanted to express when doing the sound- and video collage called “M.O.B - the Monsters of Bliss”. It is in us. 24/7.
And at the same time emotions of rebellion and forces of longing for the future are revolting against powers of the past and subconscious feelings. It´s all here, right now, in you and me. It is in us.
We are the monsters of bliss. That is it.

When being confronted with this chaotic and self diminishing process of pure energies of creation and of destruction, I again guess, that it is simply the best to at first try to just not go bananas. I really mean that. Looking at these flows of life and death can wash away all of your brains. For this experience is truly shocking. It may look like the end of all the fine arts, of all hopes and of all glories for
you and for me and like being the end of all kinds of love.

To watch nature in its physical programming is breathtaking, wonderful, appalling and unsavory.
So we run away from that. We feel overwhelmed by something, that we are a part of,
but does not co-operate with human mankind at all times and is in the end only perpetuating eternity on another level, which is something that we as individuals are excluded from.
We come to the gates of our personal possibilities of control.
This is threatening and shattering.
And maybe that is exactly what shall be. For who of us can really identify with these
forces without becoming weird in some direction?

Maybe the hidden truth of this being confronted with our own entity and death makes us want to compensate this by putting ourselves over others.
It really does not matter how we do that, it begins and ends with feeling helpless and alone.
Facing all that can be the beginning of personal freedom and becoming ready to let other human beings live their life in freedom and forms of cooperation, which can lead to more peace and satisfaction already during this lifetime too. And of course if you do believe so, it can also last after this presence here on earth.

Leaving the track of fear and ignorance can not only even alter your spiritual awareness, it can also contain some serious cold blows in your face, especially when other people are involved into your getting away and longing for keeping you from your next step.
That may naturally occur.

Don´t shy away from taking your stand. Come out!
With whatever you want to share with yourself and with others, there is no need to be ashamed of your emotions or to expect someone to be guilty of them.
In the end we all know, that we have to get to that point of our personal development, no matter when it is going to happen in our life.

I came to the conclusion, that especially all forms of psychological harassment paraphrase these movements of being twisted by what goes on and they outline our constant state of being thrown into the scenario on this planet.
It is of tremendous importance to look behind the scenes to define some form of prosperity for more than a moment.
While this direct confrontation with powers of immense coming and going and our impatience we may be fooled to jump on the train of easy stupidity and bêtise by putting everything on one card.

Today I feel more than ever like a baroque person, who is daily confronted with a game of hazard of life and death and who is rolling his eyes one time to the ground of earthbound existence and then another time up to the sky, what means to the heavens above.
I feel emotionally opened up completely.
So when I look into somebody´s eyes I can feel some of the traces of restraint and of open-mindedness, which are very much characterizing our present manners.
Sometimes I have to cry about the sheer suffering of this world, for all this movement causes a lot of pain too and the ways of this planet and of mankind save and at the same kill thousands of people, who were beloved to someone.

Does it have to stay a stupid thing in order to maintain its character of being a mystery?
Some say that we are all bisexual, what is a concept that I find apparently useful, but a little too pragmatic. Since differences are a part of the plan of evolution, which is in fact in itself something quite queer. At least for nobody knows what is going to happen next.
I really think so, that Austrian broadcasting of straight fucking animals is only a part of the whole picture, since animals screw very resourcefully and on many kinds of levels, which can include sex-change.
For example are not all of them reproducing with getting into touch with one another at all, what makes me think of the wide field of flora - well, do plants have sex at all?

For me nature is not only during spring-time organically orgiastic. Nevertheless it provokes this longing for culture in me as something powerful and fantastic enough to deal with these extremities, which are ready to be understood, investigated and transformed if necessary.

So for that reason I had to get out of being a part of the stream, what does not mean, that I don´t feel part of some universal flow. For me this is some form of personal expansion. When you are gay, sexuality becomes something, which is declaring your human status as being someone different to others right from the beginning.
It makes you vulnerable for the idea of the Human Rights, which we all are depending on for various reasons.

Maybe I took being called to move and to change easier that way, what can be seen both a cultural happening as a natural evolution. In the depth of being a human being all the different varieties of human sexuality do not interfere with one another, if you let just go yourself anxiousness explains it self to you. The effort to keep constant, cruel control over all and everyone and most presumably over oneself can raise sexual fears and phobias. Everyone is likely to make a very personal encounter of that kind. Sexual fears can be very forcing on one´s mind as they can carry information about how you have learned to perceive others or your ways to have sex with somebody else. When you are old enough to get into touch with what you are afraid of by explanation and by exploration you are lucky to get a hold on a chance for you to grow and to overcome your hampering images, which are the other way round hard to bear for yourself and for others too and which are limiting your personal serendipity with the life that you have. Children and youngsters have trust in adults, who they are handing over the right information to them. But do they do that at all?

It looks like sex is again more bound to ideas of conformity whatever they are of political or economic tendency.We rather progress violence and the imagination of sex as something dirty and therefore split from what we take for serious civilization. Porno-holocaust, total sellout of everything and mass psychosis are building up heterrorism, religious insanity, hatred and death. And of course vice versa, I mean
thanks for everything and: Hey, fuck you!

The expectation of being on one side a fist-pig and on the other obliged to practice morally odorless sex, what is altogether a double-bind situation, which is falsely taken by some of us as a new sexual revolution, but which is in fact tearing us apart.
What we are missing is our words of flesh and blood about our lives, gays still live in a state of absent speech, which is prolonged by aesthetic illusionary thinking!

So I came to create "Permission to Puke" (Not available yet, but upcoming soon!), a video that I have to rearrange for one more time and which is telling a lot about some terrible incidences that happened on that basis of this deepest crossing over of psychological processes, which are forming our present times.

Do you remember the young gay American Matthew Shepard? The Portuguese man-to-woman transsexual
Gisberta, or the two Irani youngsters, who have been executed in 2005 because of their homosexuality?
I do strongly not want to go conform with viewing them as postmodernist-modern martyrs, though they probably really have been. (Please remember that a martyr does not want to die, he has to! That is a very big difference to a kamikaze or an assassin of any kind.)

It´s just terrible and nothing else, there is no meaning that would go beyond that!
The behavior of hiding these happenings to simply go on with them and to therewith try to cope with our global situation does at no time give the rest of us any more security, orientation, freedom or well-being. It just constitutes misfortune for all of us.

How will we ever be able to find out what went on there and goes on still, if there is no social chance to see our doings clearly?
Who is trying to find out the processes of war, of insults and of humiliation?
Our effective chance is to learn how to use communication to widen our horizons for the sake of all of us.
In fact it needs less moral diversion, but more tested knowledge. And more net - working. Since homosexual men have come out to the rest of the world, started building up a gay community and made it through the AIDS-crisis, times have not stopped to change as they are pushing on the whole mankind.
But let´s not get mindless throughout this natural, soulful and mental process.
We as gay people can look out for our declarations of our approved rights now.
Like the question of have we ever came out to one another as who we are?
What could be the consequences of homophobia within the gay scene?
What do you think about other gay men?
And does homophobia exist in terms of being a real threat of today or does it nowadays simply exist within circles of a few jerks?
How did the homophobic events, which took place in the past and during the birthdays of the gay liberation movement change us and do they still influence our mentality and the possibilities of our present existences?

And: Are gays also hetero-phobic? And what if it would be so?
Are you out at work? Do you talk to your lover/s about Safe Sex? (And not “Safer Sex”, just ban the “r”, since it is completely misleading!)
Finally it looks like I have returned to where I have started from: Freedom.

Freedom balls, men!